Thursday, April 26, 2012

My Weight Loss Confessional

I have always hated my body. As a teenager, I was tall, but with ample hips and thighs. It's genetic, looking at my family, I knew that was the way I was made. It was harder to deal with, however, as I was a dancer. I hated facing myself in the mirror everyday; and I hated even more being told if I wanted to be a professional dancer, I needed to lose weight. What I already hated about my body made me afraid I'd never achieve my dream. I understand where my dance teachers were coming from, and they were right, to be a professional dancer, I needed to be thinner. To the nondance eye, I looked fine. I got sick my senior year of high school, and ended up taking off about 5 lbs or so. I loved it.

That's me...the tall skinny one on the far right. May 2000
Then came college. I loved college. I had a great time. I decided I didn't want to be a professional dancer any more. I complained about wanting to lose weight around the other dancers, but I watched as my weight slowly crept up. By the end of college, I had put on the 5 lbs I lost when I was sick, and another 35 on top of that.
Senior Solo, January 2004. Photo Credit: Rick Foster

I graduated, got a job, got married, and the next thing I knew, I had gained 98 lbs over the span of 10 years. I was so embarrassed. There are very few pictures of me during this time-I claimed I was camera shy, but I really just didn't want proof of my weight.

 August 2010, my 10 year reunion
I was so angry after seeing how awesome all my former classmates looked at the reunion, I vowed this would be year I lost weight. I started using Spark People, and lost about 10 lbs over 2 months. Then I stopped. I don't know why, I just did. A friend at work started an initiative to get a Weight Watchers at Work group going. We met on Wednesdays after our meetings. It was a convenient, non-judgmental setting-until we didn't have enough people to continue.  Our meetings ended in April, and I started going to a Weight Watchers center for meetings. Summer came, along with vacations...I became a meeting vagabond. My weight loss slowed down, but persisted.

With the commencement of the school year and marching band, meetings were no longer and option. I kept my monthly pass, but participated in Weight Watchers online. In December, just in time for the Hoidays, I started going back to meetings. I hit my goal weight on December 8, at  home, but did not maintain it that evening at my meeting. My weight was a struggle during the holidays, either gaining a little or maintaining and the losing not quite enough to get back to goal. This week, I finally met my goal (again), and am ready to start the maintenance phase of Weight Watchers. If I can maintain my goal for 6 weeks, I'll become a lifetime member and (finally) stop paying for the plan. (I love the plan and am super thankful for everything it has done for me, but I'm really sick of paying for it by now.) Make no mistake, there are still parts of my body I'm not thrilled with, and I'm working on changing those. I've lost a total of 82 lbs with Weight Watchers, a total of 90 lbs including my pre-Weight Watchers loss. No, I'm not exactly what I was when I was in high school-about 10 lbs heavier- but I'm happy with where I am. And I am making a promise to myself to never gain any of it back.
My 29th Birthday, July 2011
The Hubster's 10 Year Reunion. Did I mention he joined the plan, too? Oct 2011

1 comment:

KT said...

You look great!! Thanks for sharing your journey. I've started to embark on my own weight loss journey and am fumbling already. I hope I have the willpower to stick with it, as you did. Congrats!